Lisa did a wonderful, heart-felt post the other day called truths. Many times, in an effort to be positive and not whine, I tend to share the good stuff but keep the negatives to a minimum. Today I’m lifting Lisa’s Truths format and sharing the darker side of life lately.
The truth is I WANT and WILL do the Great Wall Marathon. Some of you noticed my ambivalence. It’s not that I doubt my abilities on that challenging course in a month when the average temperature is 86 degrees and humid…ok that’s not my cup of tea, but still…the reality is I’m having mega mom-guilt about leaving the family behind and going myself. Heck I’m having mom guilt about all the galavanting I’m going to be doing this October. We don’t have a family support system in place so childcare while I’m gone is going to be an issue. It’s a good thing I’ve got ample time to arrange some, I guess.
The truth is, I’ve got haters. In real life, not here on the blog. If haters are here, you’re good about keeping it to yourself, so thank you. As much as I know that haters are projecting their own unhappiness and insecurities, I’d be lying if I said I was able to let it roll off my back completely. My stay-at-home-mom ness seems to be under attack. Leaving a career with a 6-figure salary to stay home with our kids was a choice I made and do not regret. I do not need to defend or explain that. I just wonder sometimes if it would be better for everyone if people focused on their own lives rather than having opinions about mine. I’ll be the first to admit, we’ve had a great summer with our travels, creating family memories that will last a lifetime. Did we spend literally years putting that trip together, making choices and sacrifices? Yes. Personally, I’m thrilled when good things happen to my friends and family. I am sad that this feeling isn’t always mutual and that some are smiling and pleasant to my face but quite the opposite behind my back. Two more things on this before I move on: assume kids will repeat everything you tell them and be careful with that send button when you’re texting or emailing. Better yet, keep nasty thoughts to yourself.
The truth is I’m still not feeling great. I’ve whined about perimenopause on and off for years. I can handle the night sweats but the crushing fatigue and weight gain despite eating better is no joke. I know a decline in running pace happens with age, but the dramatic drop-off I’ve experienced just can’t be right. Depending on the day, I can belt out 5 sub-8 miles, yet on another a 10-minute mile is a struggle. My training work ethic is the same, but now I run by heart rate and call it good. It’s frustrating. My doctor’s been brushing off most of my complaints with “everybody’s tired” adjusting my thyroid meds up or down but has refused to test for hormonal imbalances until I’m in full-blown menopause, which so far isn’t happening. Recently I took the bull by the horns and found an endocrinologist who’s willing to investigate NOW. I completed all the testing last week and am eager to see if we uncover any answers.
Those are my truths. I’m definitely an optimistic, glass half full kind of girl, but face it, life is not always sunshine and roses. Definitely first-world problems though. These too shall pass.
What are your truths? How do you deal with haters?
I’m linking up today with Amanda for Thinking Out Loud Thursday.
I don’t understand why people can’t just mind their own business. It’s really discouraging when people judge and they have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. To me, the haters are those that have insecurities themselves or who aren’t happy and feel the need to make others feel bad to make themselves feel better. Haters are always going to hate, it’s the way we deal with it that can change. So excited for you to go to the Great Wall!!! How did you get the opportunity? So glad you found a doctor that is willing to go to bat for you! I hope the tests come back and you can figure out what is going on!! Hugs!
I’m sorry to hear about your haters. There will always be some. My ex-MIL is my big time hater, no life choice I made would have ever been good enough. In my case it was holding down a lucrative job instead of staying home with the kids. I choose to focus on the positive and most times it is successful, but I totally understand where you’re coming from on the Great Wall thing. I’m thankful my son is interested in cycling so we can do the 7 day thing together, but then feel guilty for leaving my other son out. Hang in there – you are setting a great example for your family on making time for fitness and doing things for yourself.
Love this Marcia 😉 I commend that decision to stay home, its so important and you will never regret it.
Okay, about menopausal issues, i could talk all day. I had some hormonal imbalances after I had surgery, tried several different hormones and actually ended up with more issues, so I stopped all hormones and gained 25 lbs. My endocrinologist was the first one to catch that my thyroid numbers drastically changed in the span of a year. I hope you can find some answers. Overheating has been one of my worst side effects and of course the eating right, staying under budget and still struggling, I relate to all. It’s not whining, we all have some kind of battle.
It’s really hard to let the haters just roll off my back. Since last winter, and all the family problems we had, I pulled back into my shell, and only opened up to people I know care about me. I just don’t have room in my life for all that.
I’m looking forward to lunch with you next week. We can talk about that hormonal thing. Right there with you. <3
People are ridiculous and need to keep judgements to themselves…I don’t get it. I get crap from people in my life too about having a focus other than my kids. It’s BS. I stay at HOME with them, I am allowed to find something outside of being a mom that makes me happy as do you. That marathon is a once in a lifetime opportunity- you know you won’t regret it and the haters are probably only hating because they are JEALOUS!
I really don’t understand why so many people think that they need to put their nose into business where it doesn’t belong. I’m experiencing a lot of this first hand with my pregnancy, particularly with exercising while pregnant (I wrote about this yesterday). What’s important is for you to focus on what’s best for you and your family. Let the haters continue to fall victim to their own insecurities, and you keep doing what you need to do.
Ugh. Sorry about people judging you for your choices. I can’t believe people still judge for career/family decisions. Really glad you found a doctor who would listen to your concerns – I hope there’s an easy answer for you.
Sorry to hear about haters. I agree, people should just worry about their own lives. You have your own reasons for your decisions and it’s your life to live.
I feel your pain. Sometimes in a race, I can run a sub 9 minute mile and then I go out and struggle to get under 12 minutes.
I really don’t have the patience for meddling and haters. I stand by the mantra “good for you; not for me” and that really just needs to be the end of it.
Good for you for finding a different doctor to test you. My new primary-care doc tested me a year and a half ago and found stuff I never would have thought of. (I had to leave my prior PCP because he refused to test me for anything and told me I needed to stop running whenever I went to see him for anything and that I felt bad because I was “doing too much.”) My new doc told me the night sweats were from low progesterone. I use an over-the-counter progesterone cream before bed and that makes a big difference, and I notice when I forget to do it. I hope you get some answers!
Haters are the worst. Honestly, I’ve found that people that judge you and tell how to live your life do so because they are insecure with their own. It can be very hard not to let them get to you, but know that you are the better person. You are doing an amazing job with your kids. You are motivating and inspiring and a wonderful role model. Whoever says otherwise needs to look at themselves and ask what THEY can do better, not you.
You did what was right for you! I don’t feel any amount of money can replace being there for my kids! People are going to hate you because they are not you! learned that long ago. Keep up the great work and shake the haters off 🙂
It irks me when people meddle in others’ affairs, especially in a critical way. People need to just mind their own damn business. YOU know better than anyone else what is best for YOU. Who are they to make snap judgments when they don’t understand the whole story? I think that you are incredibly inspirational and a fantastic role model!
Make sure that endocrinologist tests for testosterone. That’s made all the difference for me.
Love your honesty. We’re all human, and have days where we are better than others! Lots of luck on your race- and try really hard to forget the haters.. they’re not worth your time or energy!
-Liz
http://www.TheCleanEatingCouple.com
haters – Uggg! It is awful when jealousy raises its ugly head & that is what it is all about! It hurts & it hurts more trying to let it roll. I have had a rough year myself with a group of ladies that now I don’t even consider friends now 🙁 sad isn’t it. Let’s not talk about sweating- I’m a hot mess day & night!
People need to mind their own damn business! Sorry you’re dealing with haters – it’s hurtful to learn “friends” are not as happy for the good things that come into your life as you would be for them. Don’t even get me started on the hormonal thing! Glad you saw an endocrinologist – I need to step up and do the same – hope you get some helpful answers!
I am so sorry you have haters. I know you work hard and I think you are an amazing mom.
I hope your endocrinologist helps out also.
THANK YOU for keeping it real. I’m right along beside with with the stupid “change”. Just get it over with already!
It’s sad people have to be so ugly toward others. My SIL was like that. Sadly my brother passed away and I certainly did NOT keep a relationship with her. It seemed to be her way of dealing with her own insecurities and jealousy.
I’m inspired by women who choose to stay at home!
Oh big hugs! Haters suck! I appreciate your honesty and I’m glad that you’ll be getting answers about your fatigue soon, I hope that things turn around.
Wow, I’m sorry people are giving you trouble IRL. What a woman decides to do career-wise after having a child is such a personal decision. There is no right or wrong answer and it is no one else’s business. Just keep on keepin’ on… you don’t have to defend yourself to anyone.
I am sorry to hear that. This is not a good period for me too. It’s not easy not to think about our troubles.
Great Wall Marathon: it is very challenging, I went there and I don’t know how possible is to run through that path.
Please have a look here http://cavnero.blogspot.it/2010/04/china.html
All the best.
We live similar lives, right down to the hot flashes and weight gain. LOL Ignore the haters. There are always going to be people who are unhappy with their lives and choices so they try to pull you down with them.
Have fun at the Great Wall of China! What an amazing opportunity!
Hugs mama. No fun dealing with haters. Also praying you find answers regarding your thyroid.
I hear you loud and clear on the mom guilt. It tempers otherwise exciting things. I am feeling a lot of that too. But you are a person of worth on her own and that worth is not dependent on nor related to your children. Sure, being a mother is very very important and as a fellow sahm I get that – but you would not be worth less if you were not a mom, and you are worth a memorable trip for yourself and not just family memories.
Ick to haters. Jealous.
I am glad you found a doctor willing to investigate now. That doesn’t sound right 🙁
Sorry that you are dealing with such negativity. You shouldn’t have to. You’re awesome. And, yes, everyone else should just mind their own business. I think that’s why I like yoga so much; everyone is so wrapped up in what they are doing (i.e. poses), they don’t have time to notice how awful my own are and won’t leave talking about me, how bad I am at yoga, my choice of clothes….I can just be me.
Go to China. This is an awesome opportunity. Your kids are getting older and they will be fine. They may not eat the healthiest meals for a while and you may come back to a dirtier house than you’d like, but they will get along without you. And they get it. They’ll be proud of you and excited for you.
Lastly, I hear you with the slowing down. I have to work so much harder than I did last year and the year before just to keep my times the same. It’s the world of masters. But we’re tough and we will continue to conquer.
Longest comment ever.
Hugs.
It is weird all the judgments moms get. It seems like if you’re a SAHM you get judged fr that. If you work full time you get judged for that!
I am sure there are people who hate read my blog. For me, when someone is negative or nasty I just try to laugh and have a sense of humor about it. Clearly they have insecurities but then so do I if I let it bother me!