Stress Test: I Lived to Tell About It

I am back from my stress test. Alive and in one piece.

It being heart month and all, I wore my festive yet functional ruby red sports bra. When I got there some possibly Russian guy named Michaelo told me to “tek everysink on top uff.”
Say what?
Is ‘everysink’ Russian for bra?  You expect me to remove my ruby red sports bra and run in a hideous mauve gown? I did not sign up for this.

A tiny urchin came in and attached the electrodes.
Order of the day:
Start and finish with an ultrasound of my heart with a little stress test in between.

Enter Rusty, a 20-something hunk of beefcake. All mine, at least for the next 20 minutes or so. Maybe this stress test stuff isn’t all bad.

Rusty goes “Your resting pulse is 50 standing up. Just imagine how low it is when you first wake up.” Hmmmm…
My reverie came to an abrupt end when the mill started.

Rusty monitored my blood pressure while I was on the mill. Every three minutes it went faster, the incline higher.
Michaelo, the urchin and the Cardiologist, Dr Oomi-Zoomi (or something like that) lined up along the wall watching.


Rusty: “Well we have what we need to make this a statistically significant test. But do you wanna see how far you can go?


Me: “You mean like to second base?” Ok no I didn’t say that. But of course I stayed on the mill. Might as well get a hill workout in right? Plus I wasn’t even close to pukey yet.

Dr OZ: “I don’t think we’ve ever seen anyone last as long as this.”
Well grab some popcorn and settle in then.
Rusty cranked the incline yet again.

Finally they got me off the mill and back to the table for the second ultrasound.

Final verdict: All is well. Very very well.
The abnormality in the EKG was something my doc saw when she compared my most recent one to an older one. But apparently it’s NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!