Ah the holidays. Images of golden turkeys carved table side, the warmth and comfort of family and friends, it’s all good right? The reality is few of us have holidays that even begin to approach the perfection depicted in glossy magazines.
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Thanks to inappropriate comments, unfair judgement, unrealistic expectations, alcohol induced barbs, and emotional wounds that have gone unforgiven, holiday gatherings can be a hotbed of stress and hurt feelings.
How to deal:
- Let offensive comments roll like water off a duck’s back and diffuse potential powder keg moments by changing the subject. This is a hard one but remember the crap they’re spewing is a reflection of the offender’s own inner turmoil, jealousies and insecurities, not yours.
- Present a united front. Be on the same page with your spouse/sibling/whomever and have each other’s back. Bullies are far more likely to strike when you don’t have backup.
- Get a hotel. This allows you to limit your exposure. You are no longer hostage to someone’s hospitality. This pulls the rug out from under a controlling host and you have a place to escape. I realize this isn’t really an option if you’re hosting, but who says you have to invite anyone to stay with you anyway?
- Get your sweat on. You need the endorphin rush now more than ever. Find a turkey trot, hit the gym, go for a brisk walk before (and after!) dinner, or all of the above.
- When all else fails, leave. Whether you leave the conversation, the room, step out for air, or pull up stakes and head for home (or that hotel I told you about), remember these are all options. Your sanity and well being are most important. Teach people how to treat you by not tolerating bad behavior.
I think one of the keys to surviving the holidays is letting go of the idea of perfection. We can’t choose our family but we can choose how much time we spend with them and how we react to them.
Here’s to a holiday filled with love, gratitude, understanding and joy!
Who’s cooking? Who’s traveling? Add me to the travel camp!
Apparently you and I have grown up in the same household. I am printing, laminating and pinning several of these around the house this week. I often times will take pictures or record horrible incidents and put them up on Twitter; laughter and validation is good medicine, that and a booze/sedative cocktail.
Have a safe holiday!
Great tips! Especially letting comments rolling of your back. I have had to do this way to many times, but it’s worth it:) Have a wonderful holiday!
Sing it, sista! The election this year is only going to make things all the worse for me as I differ in views from most of my family, and I know that if the topic comes up that people will try to engage me. My strategy going in is to busy myself with the toddler as the need arises. I also try to hang with Grandma because few are going to have the guts to escalate things around her. I hope you have a great holiday!
You are so right! Holidays have their intense, stressful moments. Sweating and choosing to let things roll off my back help me the most. Thanks for this reminder to go in with the determination to make it a positive experience. Hope you have a good one!
I especially love the last part!! I need to re-read this post before hanging with my in-laws again.
I especially love the last part!! I need to re-read this post before hanging with my in-laws.
bahh, sorry for the double post.
These are fantastic tips. Love the hotel idea. Glad I am not traveling to need it, though!
All great tips – having a hotel to escape to is how I survived my last two Thanksgivings with the in-laws. Thankfully we’re local this year!! Hope you have a great stress-free holiday!
I think my family might be weird. We never fight over Christmas. No one gets rolling around the floor/spewing your guts up drunk and we generally have a really nice day.
Happy Thanksgiving, Marcia!
We are traveling for Xmas but fortunately not this week. I’m looking forward to some low-key turkey with friends and kids.
Staying put (good thing cause one of my boys is a sicke) and having a couple guys that work with my husband over. Great tips!! We always stay at a hotel when we visit family – everyone needs a little space!!! Safe travels and happy Thanksgiving!
i hope you have a great thanksgivin gand no stress ahead!
These are all such great tips! Have a wonderful holiday!
AHHH! I live 50 yards from my inlaws. We HAVE to get along! Good to know that there is a hotel option though.
I am going for “getting my sweat on” as the prevention measure this holiday season.
Great tips! How do you deal with relatives who don’t like to relax during vacation?:) I love my in-laws, but it’s like a work camp a their farm. And I come feeling like I need a rest.
Oh, this is perfect for my in-laws! She’s already complaining about NEXT Christmas. Um, let’s get through this year first before we start deciding where we will be next year.
I’m actually contemplating saying, “We’re staying home, if you want to see us come to us”. My family will have no problem with that!
I’m lucky enough that most of our family lives close enough so that sleepovers are not necessary. We’re pretty good at managing to enjoy each other’s company when we all get together. The kids have so much fun together, that it would be really sad if the adults didn’t try to get along.