Cultivating Confidence
Are we born confident? Is it in our genes? Or is it learned? Does it flourish if tended to? Can we build it up like a muscle? Does it atrophy with neglect?
I was plenty confident as a kid. I kicked ass and took names. Ok not really, but I had an expectation for myself and I exceeded it. In school, in sports, all of it. Maybe I was naive but I was fearless.
It wasn’t until after college when I joined the workforce, that small cracks in my fortress of confidence began to appear. Office politics. Backstabbing. Petty jealousy. Hidden Agendas. Because I worked in a creative field, there were no hard and fast numbers by which my work could be judged. I definitely grew a very thick skin, but somewhere along the line, self-doubt crept in too. Maybe they’re right and I’m not all that.
Opinions can be dangerous things, but they’re just that. Opinions. One person judging some thing or some one.
Once I found running, things changed. Running is all about the clock. What’s more objective than time? You’re either faster or slower. You win or you don’t. No grey areas. In many ways it was the perfect antidote for someone worn down by corporate posturing and group think. It offered me solitude, and it made me feel strong. Mentally and physically. More like a confident, carefree fun-loving kid again.
How exactly does one build confidence and keep it strong?
- Keep pushing out of your comfort zone. Try new things. Embrace new adventures.
- Use past successes as a foundation for new challenges. If you succeeded in X you’ll be more likely to take on Y.
- Practice positivity. Notice when negative thoughts creep in and counter them with positive affirmations. Maybe corny but it works.
- Realize that worry is fruitless.
- Cultivate a tribe of like-minded, supportive friends.
- Know that people who feel like more by making others feel like less aren’t worth your time.
- Do unto others. If you want people to be supportive of you, you must support and encourage others. Share your gifts.
How about you: Are you confident? Were you always? How do you maintain it?
Remember this Friday is Runfession Friday! Be sure to stop by and linkup all your run-, gym-, swim- heck any confessions will do. As usual I’ve got plenty to clear my conscience of.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot as I watch Child grow into a tween.
I am confident and yet I jokingly refer to myself as miss piggy.
I wish I could figure out how I came upon this confidence which is often miss placed 🙂 but serves me well so far.
You seem like one of the most confident people I know! I wax and wane with my confidence, for sure.
Fully agree ! And although confidence comes and goes, I strongly believe it has to be worked like a muscle to keep it strong.
I wasn’t confident growing up, but it didn’t hold me back from putting myself out there- to the point of humiliation, sometimes! I am much more confident now and running has definitely helped that!
These are great tips! I definitely need to work on practicing positivity. I’m currently injured and worrying if I’ll be ready for a May marathon in time. I need to turn off the self doubt and start the “I think I can, I think I can” line of thinking!
Good tips. I am confident in the areas I am proficient in… and the others… well, it’s a work in progress.
I was like you growing up – maybe confident to a fault some times. But once I reached adulthood the black and white answers seemed to melt away and the confidence with it a bit. But I think a balance is a little better anyway. And I love the suggestion of trying new things outside of your comfort zone!
I love this 🙂 Do unto others never goes out of style.
Work wears me down and I feel worn down, it is funny how running wears me down, but I feel better when I am done with it lol people are exhausting sometimes …
You are right too, replacing the negative thoughts, I have to work on kicking them out often.
I would love to say I am confident, but I am quite the opposite. While I have learned to TRY and love myself most days, I still fight with self esteem quite often.
One of my major goals in 2016 is to exude major confidence. Not worrying about what others think of me. Just being myself and letting people take it or leave it.
Running has made me a more confident person. Especially since I am older. I feel like in a race I am being compared to those my own age.
Self-confidence has definitely been an area that I need to work on. I think going to an Ivy League university played a big role in the lack of confidence I know have in the working world….sigh! But you have shared some great advice. Worrying is such a waste of energy and surrounding yourself with good people is so important.
This is an interesting concept! I am much more confident know than when I was younger!
I mean *now*.
This couldn’t have been posted at a more perfect time!!! I’m sorta ‘stuck’ at work and looking for a place that has limitless potential. Unfortunately it also means commission only salary. I look back at past successes and I have always been in the top percent of performers but I worry “what if I can’t do it”. Mainly because it is commission only and that is scary. It boils down to confidence and am I willing to do what it takes!
thanks for posting
I was definitely not always confident. I think confidence is something you have to work at. Running and fitness in general really helped me with this.
While I wouldn’t characterize myself as a confident person, I do think I am more confident than I was as a kid and young adult. I have low self esteem, and it’s something I still struggle with.
Great tips, Marcia!
You do come across as very confident. I think I have gotten more confidence as I’ve aged and become involved with my running group. There are days where I wish I had more though
I was very confident going into school, but it definitely waned, especially in high school where I wasn’t one of the pretty girls and definitely didn’t have a strong social game. As I’ve aged, that’s changed a lot. I’m comfortable with who I am and that makes a huge difference. I’m not always confident in my abilities, but I’m confident in my ability to deal with performance, conditions, other people. I think that’s probably the best thing about getting older.
Love this post!
The older i get the more confident I get. Not that I ever struggled to much in the confidence area, but it’s a totally different kind of confidence now than when I was 18.
But I was shy at one point in my life and no longer am, so I think that is the main difference for myself.
I teach a youth group the girls are 12-18 and I am always pushing confdence builder things onto them, because society is so scary right now, and with social media it’s just to easy for young girls to let others determine their worth.
Love that quote you put up there about what others think of you is not your truth… I am going to share that with them this week, thanks!!!
Awesome tips!!!
I really am following this one….Keep pushing out of your comfort zone…..I just signed up for my first Triathlon (yikes!!!!)
I have become more confident as I have gotten older and feel pretty darn confident now in most aspects of my life. Surprisingly running is not one of them but I am working on that.
Well said.
I was never a confident person but I swear running has made a huge difference in that area of my life. It’s pushed me. It’s given me a huge network of supportive friends. It’s made me get past a lot of self-doubts. It’s just helped me grow as a person.
I have gotten better in the confidence field and I attribute running to that! Not only do I feel better about myself but I try hard to not let negative people and thoughts out weight the positive. I think your confidence just leaps off the page! I is great to see that and read about it. We all need support now and then but constantly complaining doesn’t help anything! I love this about you Marcia you! Great post for today!!
Confidence is one of those things that takes practice and I don’t think can ever be “perfected” since our circumstances are always changing.
Great tips! My running group seriously makes me feel more confident I really am.
I definitely think running has given me confidence! It’s showed me how many amazing things my mind and body can do and what I can achieve when I really work toward a goal.
All good tips! Confidence ebbs and flows for me though overall I think I’ve grown more confident as I get older.
Interesting perspective. I was never confident as a kid/young adult. I spent the first 20 years of my life pretty much second guessing everything and doubting myself. Now, closer to 40, I would say that I’m pretty self-confident and don’t really care too much what others think of me. It’s pretty liberating, to be honest.
I struggled more with confidence when I was younger, but I think just life and ME accepting and embracing the way I am naturally bent has given me greater confidence and comfortableness in my own skin. Conquering an intense workout always makes me feel AMAZING!
Great post! I work at a very politically polarizing company (you either love where I work or hate it) and it has taken a lot of confidence and growth of thick skin to get me to the point I’m at now. I think if I ever leave this job I’ll be able to work anywhere after what I’ve had to get through here! It feels so good once you reach that point of confidence though.
Great post! I was NOT born with confidence! In fact, I was a very insecure, shy little girl. But ever since I hit my 30’s it has been a new world for me. Confident and freedom from caring what others think about me or my life. It’s a wonderful, freeing feeling!
Pushing out the negative is really powerful. Being positive is just as easy as the opposite and being negative can become a very bad habit .. one that spreads that toxic vibe to all those around you. Being positive rocks and DOES build so much confidence! Great list Marcia!
I have always been a fairly confident person, though I know people think I am more confident than I am. It’s not a bad problem to have.
LOVE!!! I was so insecure as a kid & that lead to it as an adult.I was havy & teased.. it never leaves you. YES, workplace crap makes it worse. HOnestly, in the gym I am so confident but outside, it still creeps in – the insecurity… so many No’s thru the years… I wish social media would change… it is such a confidence drainer!
It always amazing me how people with low self-esteem enjoy tearing others down to build themselves up. Thanks for the great tips on building confidence.
Thanks for linking up!